Over the long weekend, Lily and I had our first gals’ trip in Miami. I had booked the trip months ago while I was deep in work travel, and feeling that tugging pain in my heart that I should be there instead of wherever.
Now if I may be brutally honest with you, dear reader, the night before we left, I was filled with dread. It had been an emotionally draining week. Violet had her surgery, which triggered a wave of medical PTSD from my birth. I had also found myself in a tender position that week, writing about my assault for my memoir. Lily had been particularly defiant and needy the past few weeks, and I felt anxious about managing her outbursts all on my own. My emotional energy had wrung dry, and I questioned whether I could show up for her in the way she deserved.
And so trauma in-pocket, we went. On our first day in Miami, we went through about 15 arguments, 10 negotiations and 2 compromises, and I started thinking how this was all such a bad idea, and I should’ve waited until she was older, and I should’ve this and should’ve that.
And then somewhere in there, I decided to just let go. I met her defiance with an open heart. I filled up her boredom with hugs. I helped her break moments of sadness with levity. As I continued to meet her, wherever she was, I began to notice a steady calmness about her. And in me. We were developing trust. Safety.
It made me think a lot about the things we hold that can keep us from being present. From seeing things as they are. It made me think a lot about the challenge of reparenting yourself, while parenting your child. What we can soften in this journey, and create space for—not instead of, but in addition to the hard things. And it made me think a lot about the bravery, and the trust in yourself, that’s required to do so.
That weekend, Lily and I swam and took long bubble baths and slept in each other’s arms. Sugared pancakes (for her) and black coffee (for me) made their way into our room in the morning, and then the day of imaginative play would begin. We took turns doing each other’s makeup until we realized we looked like zombies, and had an epic zombie-meets-The Matrix-style brawl in our hotel room. We played an endless game of carpool karaoke until we circled the entire city of Miami. We even hyped each other up so much on the trip that every time she walked into a room, I’d sing “who’s that girl..” and she’d giggle and flip her hair.
When we boarded the plane back to Nashville, she puckered her bottom lip out and stared down at the palm of her hands.
“I miss Miami,” she said.
Before I could reply that there would be another adventure ahead, she said, “No, I mean I miss us.” Her large, chocolate drop eyes were gazing up at me now.
“We’re always us, baby.”
She lay her head on my chest, and let out a small yawn before she started to slowly drift away to sleep.
Alone one on one , mother daughter times are rare and precious.... the essential "US" time gives the mom a time to recharge and re-invent herself along with her mini me. For daughters a chance to feel important, loved and accepted as they celebrate their princesshood along with The Queen... for both its a beautiful way of celebrating and embracing each other appreciating how similar and yet how different they are from each other. Cheers Adrianne and Lily ❗️
Wow! So glad your alone time with Lily turned out beautifully. The gift of time and presence is a rare gem these days. I do the same with my daughter Nads (now a dentist) and.my 2 other sons, and i understand how urgent these moments are not only to our children but to us parents, too. Gives us a chance to know them better and embrace their uniqueness and individuality.. Its WONDERFUL in capital letters because the discoveries and insights we draw from the experience are truly priceless, it opens minds,hearts and souls. Thank you Adrianne for sharing this inspiration and self expression to your readers.. may your journey be filled. with fun laughter lessons and most of LOVE...…